How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
