he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
