Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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