just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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