Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
