ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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