I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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