My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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