why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
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