Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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