i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
