Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
