I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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