you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
