If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
