I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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