I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
