He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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