I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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