i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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