3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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