Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She announced her abortion via fbk
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
