Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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