Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
