Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
