Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
