they need to just BURY HIM!
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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