Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
