Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
His nipple licking is glorious
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