i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
