I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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