Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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