Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
