I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
