you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
