can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
