you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
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It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
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Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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