respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
found the other keg... it's in the tree
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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