so let's talk penis.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
