She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
