I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
