As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
