dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
