theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
