Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I need a beard to bite.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
