Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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