I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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