brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
