Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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