I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
