The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
