There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
