weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
