I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
