i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
