Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's rum buckets o'clock
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
