nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
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I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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