at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
