We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
