singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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