first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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