I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I can't put those talents on a resume
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
