Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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