Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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