Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
