Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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