sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
