I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
