I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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