My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
