She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
