so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
