I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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