I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
