I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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