what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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