there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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