I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
